Positive Parenting

For some parents,parenting comes very naturally.We have all seen those women who were born to be mothers.You just felt like putting these mothers on a pedestal and worshipping them.Well,this blog is not for them.If you are a mother like me who lives from day to day praying every day for some wisdom and support and insight,(let this day go well,please God,let me not make any mistake for which 20 years from now,my child would claim child abuse!) this blog is for you.Mother-Goddess' please excuse.:)


So,then,what is Positive and Supportive parenting and why is it so necessary?Well,it is necessary if you want to raise a healthy child,brimming with good,high self-esteem.I would think that just kissing my child every now and then and telling him that I loved him,cheering him,egging him on, etc would suffice.After all,as a child,I was almost always left to my own devices and for my life,till date,I cant imagine hearing from my parents that they love me.It's supposed to be a given.But not so anymore.


Research says that mothers of today are always on the lookout for inputs regarding how can they possibly be a better parent for their children.Hope this article brings some clarity.


Being a positive and supportive parent means that you must(absolutely must,or else why are you a PARENT in the first place?) have the following qualities:


1]Be Understanding


A parent is a good parent when she(or he) understands that each child is an individual in his own right with a temperament to go along with it.Any parent that can understand this and work with the child's psyche will be then able to build on the child's strengths without any unreasonable expectations.When the parent is flexible with the child,the child's self esteem grows.


2]Be reasonable


A parent is reasonable when she/he has set clear boundaries that are consistent and predictable.Let me paint a picture for you.A child is very categorically told not to watch t.v for more than half an hour every day.But then,the mother needs her "me time" one day to shop,talk on the phone,chat on facebook,etc and she herself relaxes the boundaries that day.That is a strict no-no.The child will want to watch t.v again for longer hours the next day.Can you imagine what happens next?The hassled mum either screams at the child or punishes him for what is very obviously not his fault.
A child till the age of 10,is continuously forming opinions and hardwiring his brain to form a moral and behavioural framework.Can you imagine the extent of damage that you can inflict on a child during this time simply by being unaware about the consequences of your actions?I shudder at the thought.


A parent is reasonable when he/she sets and communicates clear expectations in a very positive language.The moment any parent resorts to name-calling,mocking or belittling the child in public or private,the case is lost.NEVER EVER DO THAT,please,because it resorts to these little ones loosing their confidence and self esteem.The children refuse to perform out of fear of failure thereby provoking another episode of name calling.Remember "Childhood is not preparation for life;childhood is life.A child isn't getting ready to live;a child is living."-John Taylor.


A parent is reasonable when he/she sets "consequences" for unwanted,irresponsible,harmful behaviour that are not punitive.Instead of spanking the child,you will do far more good if you send the child to his room or make him sit facing a corner,requesting him to think about what he just did."Time out" is a very good tactic for errant children.


3]Teach


A child is a product of his environment.A child,just by observation alone,can learn things that never cease to astound.A reasonable,positive,supportive parent would be aware of this fact and provide opportunities for his/her child.Encourage your children to perform,make mistakes and learn from their mistakes.Refrain from being judgmental and instead mentally pat your back for having given a chance to your child to learn in an environment of acceptance and encouragement with very clear and reasonable ideas of success.


4]Love


Love your child.No,really,Love your child.Be warm by showing unconditional love for your child so that he may flourish.Respect your child by never brushing off his ideas when he talks.Look into his eyes when you are communicating with him.One of my friends,Zenobia made it a point to kneel down and talk to her son,look into his eyes and really listen to what the litle chap had to say,and this,always with a smile on her face.Listen and be sensitive.Respond with a lot of empathy.


There,you have it!I am sure there must be other pointers as well(like reasonable goal-setting etc).Use whatever you find (and post them to this blog as well,please..so that I may become a better mother myself!! )in conjunction with these 4 points and it should be simpler.


All this data has been taken from various sources.I am a mother and not a qualified psychologist..:)..

Awesome Educational Tool - Mind Maps by Tony Buzan

Hi..I was browsing through this certain school's website and read something very interesting.They claimed to teach concepts to their students using a couple of new methods,one of them being Mind Maps.Now,I had never heard this term before..and as anybody close to me will vouch,if I see something new,I.....GOOGLE..(am addicted to Google..am the undisputed Google Queen of my family..;) )..so then..I noticed this website www.thinkbuzan.com.uk...and was quickly hooked..Tony Buzan has hit upon this awesome idea of creating a Mind Map(and the idea is only new in India,sorry to say)..which is like a visual aid to remember all the details that you need to for 'A' particular concept.This map follows the way in which your brain thinks.Apparently,the brain is not good with structured bullet points,lists etc..So,you use lots of colours,wavy lines radiating from a central concept(like a sun!!!! as my friend Sonali said..Hey Sonali!).Well,My brat,Rishi is in the 1st standard and he came home one day with this topic to be memorised-Gods of Egypt..There were 9 gods to be studied with weird names like Khepri,Ma'at,Thoth etc and they all have different insects',animals',birds' heads..and so on and so forth.Brilliantly(not being modest at all,am I?),I decided to give this Mind Mapping mumbo-jumbo(as i thought of it then..) a shot..spent one entire hour drawing,colouring etc etc and VOILA!!!Rishi was so mesmerised by the mindmap that he learnt about all the 9 Gods,their costumes,their responsibilities(like me sky,U take the underworld..get it?),their chimeras in about 15 minutes flat!!!Whereas it took the teachers 3 days in school to get them to learn it!!It worked!!!

All interested and frustrated parents,teachers, whosoever reads this,please visit the website mentioned above and give it a shot..(no-no,am not getting any commission from Tony Buzan to recomend this)..It really works and whatever works to reduce the stress of learning on kids is always welcome..You can also download the Mind Maps(PC and Mac version both) for a free trial..but somehow,I found drawing it to be far more satisfying..Way to go,M.Ms!!Cheers!!

Gotta Love the Mumbai High Court

Read the newspaper today and was pleasantly surprised after reading an article on the 2nd page..topic very close to my heart since I am a parent and anything done for a child,by the child and of the child(like democracy :) )is naturally very heart warming for me..u know..hormones..hehe..well,this child apparently is in 10th standard in Jamnabai Narsee school and suffers from "major depression and School Phobia" :_0..wonder what ailment the doctors will discover next..kitchen phobia?domestic work phobia?..hmmnn..I seem to have all of those..:D ..but am digressing..well,due to the aforesaid ailments,the child could not finish the required 75% attendance..and thus was not issued a hall-ticket by the I.C.S.E board..Well,the father of the child got pretty upset and sued the board citing his kid's issues..and the matter went to court..where, after hearing both sides of the case,the bench headed by Justice J N Patel gently instructed the parents,saying that they were "putting pressure" on their son to appear for the board exams.it only gets better..when the judges asked the parents why were they forcing thier child as such pressure would only worsen his condition,the father withdrew his case.i mean,u gotta love the judge..he was genuinely puzzled..

I only hope that the parents of the student got to learn something out of this.If the student is a student of school,the the parents are students of life..what makes you,a parent,so crazy that you force your suffering child to solidly face the same issue that terrorizes him?and that too when the students are so suicidal nowadays..Honestly,I would think that the parents are willing to pay any cost just so that they can feel that their children have faced the rat race successfully..cost that the child has to bear..not done,guys..just not done..