Positive Parenting

For some parents,parenting comes very naturally.We have all seen those women who were born to be mothers.You just felt like putting these mothers on a pedestal and worshipping them.Well,this blog is not for them.If you are a mother like me who lives from day to day praying every day for some wisdom and support and insight,(let this day go well,please God,let me not make any mistake for which 20 years from now,my child would claim child abuse!) this blog is for you.Mother-Goddess' please excuse.:)


So,then,what is Positive and Supportive parenting and why is it so necessary?Well,it is necessary if you want to raise a healthy child,brimming with good,high self-esteem.I would think that just kissing my child every now and then and telling him that I loved him,cheering him,egging him on, etc would suffice.After all,as a child,I was almost always left to my own devices and for my life,till date,I cant imagine hearing from my parents that they love me.It's supposed to be a given.But not so anymore.


Research says that mothers of today are always on the lookout for inputs regarding how can they possibly be a better parent for their children.Hope this article brings some clarity.


Being a positive and supportive parent means that you must(absolutely must,or else why are you a PARENT in the first place?) have the following qualities:


1]Be Understanding


A parent is a good parent when she(or he) understands that each child is an individual in his own right with a temperament to go along with it.Any parent that can understand this and work with the child's psyche will be then able to build on the child's strengths without any unreasonable expectations.When the parent is flexible with the child,the child's self esteem grows.


2]Be reasonable


A parent is reasonable when she/he has set clear boundaries that are consistent and predictable.Let me paint a picture for you.A child is very categorically told not to watch t.v for more than half an hour every day.But then,the mother needs her "me time" one day to shop,talk on the phone,chat on facebook,etc and she herself relaxes the boundaries that day.That is a strict no-no.The child will want to watch t.v again for longer hours the next day.Can you imagine what happens next?The hassled mum either screams at the child or punishes him for what is very obviously not his fault.
A child till the age of 10,is continuously forming opinions and hardwiring his brain to form a moral and behavioural framework.Can you imagine the extent of damage that you can inflict on a child during this time simply by being unaware about the consequences of your actions?I shudder at the thought.


A parent is reasonable when he/she sets and communicates clear expectations in a very positive language.The moment any parent resorts to name-calling,mocking or belittling the child in public or private,the case is lost.NEVER EVER DO THAT,please,because it resorts to these little ones loosing their confidence and self esteem.The children refuse to perform out of fear of failure thereby provoking another episode of name calling.Remember "Childhood is not preparation for life;childhood is life.A child isn't getting ready to live;a child is living."-John Taylor.


A parent is reasonable when he/she sets "consequences" for unwanted,irresponsible,harmful behaviour that are not punitive.Instead of spanking the child,you will do far more good if you send the child to his room or make him sit facing a corner,requesting him to think about what he just did."Time out" is a very good tactic for errant children.


3]Teach


A child is a product of his environment.A child,just by observation alone,can learn things that never cease to astound.A reasonable,positive,supportive parent would be aware of this fact and provide opportunities for his/her child.Encourage your children to perform,make mistakes and learn from their mistakes.Refrain from being judgmental and instead mentally pat your back for having given a chance to your child to learn in an environment of acceptance and encouragement with very clear and reasonable ideas of success.


4]Love


Love your child.No,really,Love your child.Be warm by showing unconditional love for your child so that he may flourish.Respect your child by never brushing off his ideas when he talks.Look into his eyes when you are communicating with him.One of my friends,Zenobia made it a point to kneel down and talk to her son,look into his eyes and really listen to what the litle chap had to say,and this,always with a smile on her face.Listen and be sensitive.Respond with a lot of empathy.


There,you have it!I am sure there must be other pointers as well(like reasonable goal-setting etc).Use whatever you find (and post them to this blog as well,please..so that I may become a better mother myself!! )in conjunction with these 4 points and it should be simpler.


All this data has been taken from various sources.I am a mother and not a qualified psychologist..:)..